“Life don’t cost money. It’s really clear that the most precious resource we all have is time.” (Steve jobs)

13 unlucky for some!

 

Today I have sat and pondered.  I have had a morning where I get up at 8am (a luxury as when I was working it was 6am) I go downstairs and spend an hour sorting Syd and Roxy out, they are still poorly and I have to mop up, clean up and then feed them and medicate them.  Finally its then cuddle time.

Jo then comes downstairs as thankfully since my last blog she is out of hospital and recuperating with me.  So you can imagine there are four of us siblings together all under the weather you could say.

The district nurses then arrive mid-morning to tend to Joanne and I spend the time again mopping and laying out new puppy pads before I am able to go and sit down for a rest.  It was far easier going to work.

The last few weeks I can admit I have struggled.   Struggled to get my head around this year 2013 our ‘annus horribilis’ and all that has happened to us.  I have found myself being emotional probably for the first time in my life thinking what the hell have we done to deserve all of this shit.

·         My Bastard Cancer

·         Loss of job (not the best when you are ill and need the support network of your employment)

·         Jo then falls ill with terrible infection of her leg likely to take months to heal which has completely masked the fact she did an amazing thing and cycled 450km in Sri Lanka for charity and had support of some amazing women

·         My new puppies have started off their little life so poorly

I have found myself crying often; sometimes from the pain that chemo is causing me in my bones which is like the worst flu symptoms in the world and constant.  Sometimes just because I feel sorry for myself and for Jo and think WTF! Sometimes because my life has turned upside down and has so radically changed I feel I am having an out of body experience.   I am tired, so very tired that there are some days I wake up and wish it was bedtime and I could sleep all over again.

Somewhere in between feeling sorry for myself though my inner strength and self-preservation takes over and I tell myself to get a grip and recognise that there are people in a worse situation than mine.

I think about my positives:

·         I have the best sister in the world who I adore and is always there for me

·         I have the best support and love from TP

·         I have two adorable new puppies that despite not getting the best start are so innocent and lovely they bring both me and Jo much Joy and love.

·         I have family who have been supportive and generous as always like my brothers Andrew and Nick,  my cousin Deborah, and my step daughter Jenny and my good neighbour Janet who looks after me every day.

·        I have a very good friend in Jane McKenzie who has been with me to the last two chemo sessions and about to come with me to my next one.   It is not pleasant to watch and she has been brilliant in her support of me

·         I have many other friends who have been supportive coming to see me and some supportive from afar. (I realise that people are really busy but it would be lovely to see some of you though as I am struggling to get to you and don’t get to see many people living in Nottingham!)

·         I only  have three more chemo sessions to go, the last one being on the 6^th December

·         I am in a lucky position where I have enough money not to work for the next year in order to heal myself

·         I am a lady of leisure whoop whoop ! Probably a bit of an over statement but I am getting there!

·         I am going to survive my ‘Bastard Cancer’ and when I do 2014 is going to be the best year ever my bucket list is for ever increasing.

Thanks also to the wonderful Sharon Greenland and ladies of Sri lanka who gave me the most amazing tribute picture below so I could cross the finishing line with them.

 

So there it is, my life has changed and I am battling the next phase and who knows what that may hold.  I believe though if you do the right things, the right things will come so I have to accept those changes and move to the next chapter.

love wendy x

 

If you're going through hell, keep going. ~Winston Churchill

If you're going through hell, keep going.  ~Winston Churchill

This is probably the hardest blog I have written to date on the eve before my 5^th chemo.  Hard because it does not involve just me in terms of dealing with a difficult time, but now involves my dearest sister Joanne.

You are probably aware that she has just returned from Cycle Sri Lanka which she pushed herself to finish 450km in five days and I am so proud of her.  By all accounts she had an amazing time sharing the bond of a remarkable group of women who give up their time to cycle for ‘Women for Women’ - The genesis research Trust charity. http://www.genesisresearchtrust.com/

I can’t wait to hear all her story’s, I know there will many tales of laughter, sadness, toughness and bonding.  Thanks to all the ladies who looked after her from the bottom of my heart.

You are also probably aware that my sister is fighting her own battle right now having taken ill on the flight on the way home.  She was feeling flu like symptoms all of the way home which at first was thought to be exhaustion, however, she was admitted into hospital on Sunday and since then has had to endure a very nasty leg infection which is horrific.  Ankle to thigh purple and covered in blisters she is really suffering a nasty infection. She has not got better for five days despite being on two antibiotics, has not eaten and not even able to drink much.  She is struggling to stand as she is in agony and is now on morphine. 

I can honestly say that my heart is breaking that I cannot go to her.  I am the big sister and for the last few months those roles have reversed as she has been the devoted sister to me looking after me in my hour of need.   I could weep all day thinking about it, however, now is the time to muster up all our strength and carry on regardless as they say.

She has had amazing support from Deborah our cousin and her daughter Ros and Sai, from Jenny my step daughter and from cousin Laurence and other friends who have gone to see her when I have not been able to.  That is what family and good friends do.  They pull together when the going gets tough.  Jo and I are tough cookies so we will get through it and know that it is all part of life’s rich tapestry.  

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle.  I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.  ~Mother Teresa

I could go into my hard as nails fight mode which many of you have come to expect and say bloody hell she is going to lose so much weight and I will be well jel!  But, this would just be a brave face because I ache with sadness.

 Tomorrow I have my good friend Jane McKenzie once again standing up to the plate and coming all the way from Chester to be with me as I have round five.   I am scared as it’s the start of a new cocktail so I don’t know what side effects to expect but the list is endless along with losing your nails and blistering of hands and feet.   I am trying to remember that whatever I get I will not be in as much pain as my little sister is going through right now and if I could take that pain off her I would in a Nano second.

 

I can’t go without mentioning that October is breast cancer awareness month:   http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/news/media-centre/breast-cancer-awareness-month-press-pack

 The facts

·         The number of people being diagnosed with breast cancer is increasing, but the good news is survival rates are improving. This is probably because of more targeted treatments, earlier detection and better breast awareness.

·         The biggest risk factor, after gender, is increasing age – 80% of breast cancers occur in women over the age of 50.

·         Breast cancer also affects men, but it’s rare – around 400 men are diagnosed each year.

·         Breast cancer is not one single disease there are several types of breast cancer.

·         Not all breast cancers show as a lump, and not all breast lumps are breast cancer.

·         Less than 10% of all breast cancers run in families, so having someone in your family with breast cancer doesn’t necessarily mean your own risk is increased.

The stats

·         Every year nearly 55,000 people are diagnosed in the UK. That’s the equivalent of 150 people every day or one person every 10 minutes.

·         1 in 8 women in the UK will develop breast cancer in their lifetime.

·         Nearly 12,000 people die from breast cancer in the UK every year.

·         Breast cancer is the second most common cause of death from cancer in women in the UK, after lung cancer.

·         Of adults aged between 25-49, breast cancer accounts for 45% of all female cancers.

·         There are an estimated 550,000 people living in the UK today who have had

* Ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS) is an early form of breast cancer, sometimes described as anintra-ductal or non-invasive cancer. ** This refers to invasive breast cancer. Statistics correct at time of publication.

 

Diseases can be our spiritual flat tires - disruptions in our lives that seem to be disasters at the time but end by redirecting our lives in a meaningful way.  ~Bernie S. Siegel

 PS Little Sydney is back to normal and in rascal mode, has found his bark and tonight has discovered humping my shoes lol! 

love Wendy x :)