“Life don’t cost money. It’s really clear that the most precious resource we all have is time.” (Steve jobs)

13 unlucky for some!

 

Today I have sat and pondered.  I have had a morning where I get up at 8am (a luxury as when I was working it was 6am) I go downstairs and spend an hour sorting Syd and Roxy out, they are still poorly and I have to mop up, clean up and then feed them and medicate them.  Finally its then cuddle time.

Jo then comes downstairs as thankfully since my last blog she is out of hospital and recuperating with me.  So you can imagine there are four of us siblings together all under the weather you could say.

The district nurses then arrive mid-morning to tend to Joanne and I spend the time again mopping and laying out new puppy pads before I am able to go and sit down for a rest.  It was far easier going to work.

The last few weeks I can admit I have struggled.   Struggled to get my head around this year 2013 our ‘annus horribilis’ and all that has happened to us.  I have found myself being emotional probably for the first time in my life thinking what the hell have we done to deserve all of this shit.

·         My Bastard Cancer

·         Loss of job (not the best when you are ill and need the support network of your employment)

·         Jo then falls ill with terrible infection of her leg likely to take months to heal which has completely masked the fact she did an amazing thing and cycled 450km in Sri Lanka for charity and had support of some amazing women

·         My new puppies have started off their little life so poorly

I have found myself crying often; sometimes from the pain that chemo is causing me in my bones which is like the worst flu symptoms in the world and constant.  Sometimes just because I feel sorry for myself and for Jo and think WTF! Sometimes because my life has turned upside down and has so radically changed I feel I am having an out of body experience.   I am tired, so very tired that there are some days I wake up and wish it was bedtime and I could sleep all over again.

Somewhere in between feeling sorry for myself though my inner strength and self-preservation takes over and I tell myself to get a grip and recognise that there are people in a worse situation than mine.

I think about my positives:

·         I have the best sister in the world who I adore and is always there for me

·         I have the best support and love from TP

·         I have two adorable new puppies that despite not getting the best start are so innocent and lovely they bring both me and Jo much Joy and love.

·         I have family who have been supportive and generous as always like my brothers Andrew and Nick,  my cousin Deborah, and my step daughter Jenny and my good neighbour Janet who looks after me every day.

·        I have a very good friend in Jane McKenzie who has been with me to the last two chemo sessions and about to come with me to my next one.   It is not pleasant to watch and she has been brilliant in her support of me

·         I have many other friends who have been supportive coming to see me and some supportive from afar. (I realise that people are really busy but it would be lovely to see some of you though as I am struggling to get to you and don’t get to see many people living in Nottingham!)

·         I only  have three more chemo sessions to go, the last one being on the 6^th December

·         I am in a lucky position where I have enough money not to work for the next year in order to heal myself

·         I am a lady of leisure whoop whoop ! Probably a bit of an over statement but I am getting there!

·         I am going to survive my ‘Bastard Cancer’ and when I do 2014 is going to be the best year ever my bucket list is for ever increasing.

Thanks also to the wonderful Sharon Greenland and ladies of Sri lanka who gave me the most amazing tribute picture below so I could cross the finishing line with them.

 

So there it is, my life has changed and I am battling the next phase and who knows what that may hold.  I believe though if you do the right things, the right things will come so I have to accept those changes and move to the next chapter.

love wendy x