Life is a Journey not a Destination!
Today’s the Day!
Right that’s it, today is the day I am going to feel better
again, I have decided I do not want to feel sickly anymore days, enough is
enough. “Bastard Cancer” is closely followed by “Bastard Chemo”.
Sorry I have not written a blog for the past few days there
has been nothing really to tell you that is in the least bit inspirational,
funny, educational or just informative.
What has happened is that following my second chemo, which,
for the first few days I feel as though I am on top of the world and master of
the universe, I now realise that like last time the pattern is that days 4 through
to 7 is the time when I feel really crappy, 4 complete days out of your life however, is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Now I have gone through two cycles of this I
have no excuses for not managing it better next time but it is not easy to
manage when you are in it.
I have to admit I don’t think I paid enough attention to the
emergency anti-sickness tablets as I mentioned in the last blog and this is something I need to manage better
for next time (OK Jo pipe down!) and I struggled to drink as much fluid on
account that the taste in my mouth resembles a rusty old lead pipe (Yuk!)
The main feelings over the past 4 days have been:
·
Low energy – unbelievable feeling of almost
watching myself from above in slow motion, just staring into space
·
Complete opposite ends of scale of feeling hungry to the
point of I would kill someone to eat anything salty or feeling so sickly that I
can’t stomach anything, these can actually reverse within minutes so really hard to control
·
Feeling wide awake one minute to nodding off in
a nano second whilst I am speaking to someone (some might say they need to be
more entertaining whilst I am in this mode!!)
·
Cramps in my stomach that are painful and just
constant but bearable
·
Feeling I can’t wait for night so I can go to
bed and then when I am in bed feeling I can’t wait for the morning so I can get
up (restless and anxious)
·
Vivid dreams, weird dreams the like of which I
have never experienced but that only appear to last a couple of minutes before I am awake again (although this is
giving me a potential new career in horror short stories as BOOM there are some
juicy and gory ones!)
·
Involuntary shaking that takes hold of my body
whilst I am asleep and wakes me up. (I have chosen to believe this is my mother
again with her “GET A BLOODY GRIP WENDY!” efforts.
·
Running to the loo in the night at hour
intervals which last time around I put down to celery-gate and now I am
wondering if it is just the toxic chemo leaving my body
·
Paranoia – I have started to question every
ache, every involuntary movement
·
Aggressive – Who would have thought me aggressive!
(Sorry Jo and Tee and my boss who all experienced it this week) GRRRRR.
GOING FORWARD ACTIONS:
·
Understand this is the norm and accept it but
manage it
·
Find some nice things to put in my diary and
concentrate on the end goal (I am already a quarter of the way through six more
sessions to go)
·
Walk more – I have never been a walker but now
is the time to get off my backside
·
Be nicer to Jo – sorry Jo x
·
Think about my journey and how I want to play
it, what places I want to see, what life I want to live, who I want to be on
that journey with.
The last few days are a blip, they have gone Wendy is now
back in the room and I am as forward looking as ever in completing my Journey, of kicking the the ass out of my "Bastard Cancer".
Love Wendy J
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