Day 6 – After First Chemo

Today Has Been A Game of Two Half’s!

 

First Half

 

I am struggling with the prospect of being honest with you all in my attempts to keep up the kick ass face, but, I think it is important to reflect the way I am feeling as the enormity of the responsibility of writing a blog that has received over 1800 page impressions means I can’t wing this one!  I think it is important to recognise that strength of character means that knowing when to show emotion as well.

 

So I woke up and bleated for half an hour, the sort of crying when you wake up when you lose someone, either from a broken heart or because they have passed away.  You wake up and remember like a sledge hammer coming at you full throttle what it feels like and that it has not subsided not one bit from the sleep you have awoken from.  It’s constantly on your thought ingrained in the back of your mind.

 

It was so hot today I felt flushed when I woke up and could not catch my breath but when you cry your throat seizes up and you start to sink lower and lower and it becomes harder and harder to breath.

 

I got up had a shower, put my face on ready to face the world, pulled myself together and rang Jo.  She always manages to put a smile on my face. I really did feel quite tired and had a distinct lack of energy.  I phoned the help line at the cancer unit because unbelievably after not having had a menstrual cycle for over a year and convinced I am on the change would you believe I have had one today.  (Sorry if this is too much information!)  I am telling you because this snapped me out of my gloom and doom mode when the nurse felt it was just my hormones kicking back in.   I think however, that the first round of chemo is working I thought its bringing me back whoop whoop!  Interestingly the pain in my shoulder which was also one of the symptoms has also disappeared and a reoccurring itch I have had on my back has completely gone this week as well.  It was an itch that over the past 4 weeks was constant and drove a special friend potty when I would scream at them to scratch my back quick as soon as I saw them.

 

I went to do some food shopping which completely wiped me out so much that had to come back and have a lie down.  It was the simplest of tasks which really tired me out.  Probably tired out everyone else who tried to shop today to so I am not looking into it too much.

Second Half

 

After another shower and a visit from my special friend (T) I feel on top of the world again, a person who is able to bring you calm and order and love is rare and I feel much more on top form again.

 I know that the steroids in the chemo have made me hyper all week and I think today is just about the aftermath of them wearing off.  I need a weekend of relaxation as I am going to need to conserve all my strength this week when the WBC  (white blood count) starts to dip and I feel tired.  I am a process person so know this is only going to be for a few days so I am prepared for it and am going to take the opportunity for once of slowing myself down.  For those that know me I don’t stop so just how long that will last for I don’t know.

 

 My sister has found our theme tune for the summer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9-Lwpgfd1E

Rudimental - "Not Giving In" ft. John Newman & Alex Clare

I am not giving in – Never.

Love Wendy